And I said I wasn't going to go into it
Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003, 9:16 P.M.

I am not even going to comment on the entry that was just placed in my guestbook. I'll just leave it there for you all to read. Basically all I want to say is that I prefer myself to be chubby, I don't hate skinny girls. I wish that wasn't the point that I seem to be making. Believe me, I have lost 140 pounds by being healthy and making the right choices, but I don't want to be skinny. I wish people would understand that rather than saying "Yeah right, if you could choose to be skinny, you would." No, I wouldn't. I don't think my life would be any easier, I wouldn't have Adam (he loves me being chubby), and I would be uneasy because I've been chubby my whole life, and it would be hard to get used to not having any chub there anymore.

No matter what you do in life, you'll always have people there who disagree with the message you portray, so I'm not going to argue with anyone. I'm not here to argue. Just don't tell me that I "hate" anyone. That is judgemental, telling me who I hate. They can be pissed off at me all you want, for being proud of my body, for having a wonderful fiancee who cares about me, they can yell at me and tell me how horrible it is to be proud of such an overweight body, how I'm going to die of heart disease (judging me again, I follow a low-cholesterol diet, but people would never think that because I'm overweight)...but believe me when I tell you this: because of all of the ignorance, because of all the loathing and the judgement, all the media scorn, I could bundle up under the covers all day long, crying and depressed. I could be miserable, and exercising all day long trying desperately to lose another ounce because of the wrath and all of the ignorance and the stigma of being overweight. Want to know why I don't do it? Because no one, no group, no insult, no comment is ever worth me giving up my soul.

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