My couch sucks
Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003, 3:42 P.M.

I think that it's time to get rid of my couch.

This couch that we have is the ugliest couch I have ever seen. It reminds me of a couch you would see sitting outside along the street in the ghetto. When I sit on it, I sink down in it so low that I'm practically on the floor. To get out of it, I have to roll off of it and get up off of the floor. How embarassing when I have company. "Hold on while I roll off of my embarassingly ghetto couch!" It's just sad. It's made up of yellow and brown tweed, and it has wood accents. It's ugly, and it's broken. My parents bought it for us when we moved in, they got it at goodwill for $50. I think it's time for a new couch. I don't think it helps that I'm chunky and every time I go to sit down I take a nose dive at the couch like it's a pool or something. That might have contributed to the demise of the poor thing. Then again, it was crappy to begin with, so who knows. I want to put wheels on it and throw it outside and send it on its merry way down the street, but I don't want to cause an accident.

Damn busy street. Damn ghetto couch.

I realized today that my body is unproportionate. I can wear XL shirts, but my pants are size 24. How odd is this? I'm proud that I lost a bunch of weight, but weight always comes off of the parts that you don't care if it comes off of. I'd like it to come off of my stomach, but it comes off of places like my neck and stuff. Who cares about my neck? I don't even care if I lose any more weight. I'm proud of who I am now. Besides, if I fall outside, my butt will cushion my fall and it will hardly hurt. Believe me, I've tested this theory. I'm the only idiot out there that would go fall on the ice on purpose just to see how the old butt cushion works. But yeah, it's working properly.

There has been so much sugar temptation around lately, and I don't want my blood sugar to go up. Last night there were Krispy Kreme doughnuts at work. I, being diabetic and not allowed to eat that sort of thing, was fixated on them the whole time. I looked at them, stared at the box, and wished that for ten minutes time I could just not be diabetic. Eunice smacked me because I was getting ready to grab one and she said "behave yourself!" and I said "FINE!" and had sugar free candy and graham crackers. Then I felt myself later getting lightheaded and I had a headache, so I knew this was my chance. I ate the damn doughnut. Yes, the doughnut that was hassling me all night long, with it's glazed goodness on top and its chewy dough center. And the ten million grams of sugar that are probably in it.

You expected me to resist temptation all shift?

If that Krispy Kreme box could have talked at that time, it would have said "Ha ha! I knew you wouldn't be able to hold out!" Damn tempting doughnut box.

What a fiasco.

last - next