My standards should be high!
Tuesday, Apr. 08, 2003, 10:07 P.M.

Okay I promised that I would update more often but eh, I guess I fibbed. Yuck. I've been working so much that you'd think I belong in a nuthouse. I'm off tonight though, so I thought I'd update.

I get paid this week...woo hoo! I think I want to go buy some tank tops. I wonder who has them cheapest and in my size. Huh. This will take some research. I would get 'em at Wal-Mart, but all I ever find is old lady clothes in my size and I get all annoyed. I don't want to wear a moo moo for god's sake! Hahaha...I just hate going there and seeing all of this stuff that I could see my mom wearing. Then again, my mom borrows my clothes so anything I wear and leave at her house, she wears for a while. She's even worn an Insane Clown Posse concert t-shirt to the mall because I left it at her house. Tee hee. What a mom. Anyway, I don't want to wear these huge brightly colored maternity-looking dresses. I want to wear tank tops that have thin straps, not 2 inch straps. I'm so freaking picky about clothes too. I get annoyed with people because some of them say "well you can't find much in your size, so you can't be picky." The hell I can't! There are enough places that make clothes in my size that I can be picky. I refuse to go wear something that makes me look 50 years old just because I don't want to be picky. That's crazy. I will never drop my standards either.

Some people think that just because a person is chubby/fat that they should have lower standards than thin people. I think this is bullshit because we're allowed to have high standards. I had high standards with men, which is why most of my relationships only lasted like 2 weeks until I met Adam. Just because I'm chubby dosen't mean that I had to have low standards. I had high standards and Adam is wonderful. That's why we've been together for almost 3 years. I think it's also stupid to think that we're supposed to have low standards about clothing. The average size of women in the U.S. is a size 14 so there are a lot of companies that make larger size clothing that is very sexy and fashionable. So people my age can find stuff that's not so old-lady like. I'm 23, not 50! According to my mom, I dress like I'm 16. But I'd rather dress like I'm 16 than dress like I'm 40. I feel better about myself then. If you really think about it, saying that we should have lower standards than anyone else is very judgemental and ignorant. If anything, we should have higher standards, because we put up with more bullshit.

I went walking tonight with my friend Shauna. We're going to go walking every night now so that we can get kind of in shape. I just want to lose about 50 more pounds so that I'd be down to 200, then I'd be happy. I want to stay chubby because that's how I'm happiest. You see, I don't want to be thin. I used to want to be thin all the time, but now I really don't want to be. I want to have some body, some curves, and some cushion. That's how I feel most comfortable. Anyway, I like walking with Shauna because she's awesome and it's so much fun. Well, I better get going. I'll talk to you later.